'Meditation' or 'How I Discovered My New Best Friend'

If you are anything I used to be just over a year ago, your thoughts, excuses and opinions on meditation may sound a bit like these:

• I know I should, but it's not for me
• I know it's beneficial, but I can't do it
• I'm just not good at meditating
• I don't have time
• How boring is it to do nothing
• I just can't meditate
• I can't stop thinking

And many more....

My first experience with meditation goes back some 8 years ago when I started practicing yoga. We were having 45 min of a very strong, dynamic moving, active astanga vinyasa style session, followed by only 5-10 min of led relaxation meditation to finish. Those last 5 min seemed to last forever.... I was lying there, all sweaty and pumped after an excellent workout, with my mind going 100km/h. Couldn't wait for the 'yogi' bell to come up to finish the session, hurrying back to the busyness of the day. There was a great feeling I was left with, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the perfect balance that yoga is supposed to be all about. I felt hyper active, pumped, but somehow relaxed, clean, flexible and light moving. In the 8 years of active yoga practice, I unfortunately didn't get much of a deeper mental or spiritual benefit at all... It was almost solely physical experience.

Than, in December 2010, the diagnosis of advanced breast cancer that had spread into my spine, slapped me across the face. It was harsh. Very very harsh. It was the closest near death experience I've ever felt.

But it wasn't all bad, as it woke up the desire to change and brought up the need to heal. The very strong need,  which was hidden somewhere deep inside of me.

I found myself reading the first book at the very beginning of this particular journey - You Can Conquer Cancer by Dr. Ian Gawler (the founder of The Gawler Foundation) and it all started to unfold. The puzzle to re-build my new self, my new life in perfect health, was right there in front of me and I discovered tools that can be of enormous help.
One of those most important tools is MEDITATION.

Right there, during Christmas Holiday, on the beautiful Castaway Island of Fiji, I started to see and plan my future, my upcoming 'healing journey'. I began to understand the importance of meditation for the peace of mind.

Having cancer is one of the easiest, most guilt free or accusation free 'excuses' to be depressed, lose the will to live, the desire to ever change, to see positives, or just to simply even see the future... No one will ever say anything bad about you if you suddenly let yourself go depressed or caught in some extreme emotion of any way, while diagnosed with a potentially terminal, definitely life threatening disease such as cancer. Especially advanced cancer, with the very poor prognosis of (in some cases) only 3-6 months left to live. Everyone is there for you to make whatever left of your life easier and to support you with whichever step you may choose to take next.
So, no wonder many people go for 'living it up' lifestyle, filled with alcohol, party, junk food, busy and in a hurry to live while still alive, rushing through the 'bucket lists'.... Or the complete opposite of giving in, letting be sick and sooner, rather than later, let yourself go to rest in peace...

But, is that really what's all about? Are there really only these two choices?
Why, yes, for many there are, but I found myself in a very different position. I actually decided to get well again. And to do everything I possibly can, use all the tools available to help me achieve that. Meditation was one of the first tools I came across.

There are many types of meditation, for many purposes: relaxation for peace of mind and clarity, stillness, mindfulness, awareness for being present in the moment, imagery and visualization exercises...
They are all amazing, very beneficial and they actually all work in some kind of way. All you have to do is firstly open yourself to experimenting and commit to practice regularly. If you are well, you might only need as little as 10 min daily to start feeling benefits (in as short time as 2 weeks) and if you suffer from any of the life threatening or chronic conditions, you may need (or perhaps want) anywhere between half an hour to three hours daily, depending on many different circumstances.

Myself, being diagnosed with a seriously life threatening disease, and with a deep seeded belief of  'can not meditate', I decided to commit and scheduled in 3 half hour sessions a day in the first couple months of my 'healing journey'.
I also bought few guided meditation CDs, found myself an experienced meditation teacher, local meditation workshops and a local community based meditation group for once weekly 'meditation group' practice.

When I first started, it was hard, long and messy. I lay or sat there 3 x a day and tried not to think. But the more I tried, the more thoughts came flooding  through my brain. So I tried to concentrate on one particular point. In my case was the black space in front of my closed eyes. It was nice to find nothing was there. Just that blankness of it made me feel good and slightly relaxed.
As I spoke to my meditation teacher, I learned that there was no such thing as 'stop thinking'. That came as a huge and very welcome piece of information. All of a sudden the pressure of trying not to think has lifted.
'Wow, I can actually keep thinking!' I thought, 'That is great!'
And once I realised that, I pretty much stopped stressing about thoughts popping into my head. Every thought that arises, has since been welcome to arise, and off it goes away.... Without judgement, without attachment. And all of a sudden, there is no stress attached to it. Such a simple thing, yet such an enormous and fulfilling progress.

That was my first step in forming a very solid friendship with the meditation. No more stressing... It didn't leave me stressed or irritated anymore, but instead much calmer, relaxed, with a good peace of mind and some clarity.

I tried to read few books on meditation, but my 'boring' mind started kicking in.... No, I am not a very keen reader. My relationship with meditation is much more exciting when put into practice.
But I did find (and I still do) guided meditation CDs very useful. Some of my very favourite CDs are Mindfulness Meditation with Paul & Maia Bedson and I can never go past Dr. Ian Gawler, his PMR (progressive muscle relaxation) and The Healing Journey. They are all available from www.gawler.org. And no, I am not sponsored by The Gawler Foundation, I just sincerely love their work, am their great fan and I am so very thankful to have found them. They have indeed played a major part on my healing journey.

Anyhow, that's my precious new friend, the meditation. I can not imagine my life without it anymore.
It's always there, with me.... Wherever I am, wherever I go. Whenever. Now, later, tomorrow, anytime, anywhere. It is a part of me now. It is the part, which I've never really known existed, the part I used to call 'boring' or perhaps the part that I, for some reason, chose to ignore. That very special part, somewhere deep within me, the calm, the stillness, the quite, peace, contentment.... And it's always there, easily accessible with my new best friend - the meditation.