Back To The Good Place

Is it possible that once one experiences that place of peace and clarity, one becomes so addicted to it, that then, when that place gets lost in the day to day issues, in the average state of mind, one finds it harder to pull him / herself back up, knowing that the amazing place of peace and clarity exists, because it is so good, way better than one would ever expect.
Too deep and meaningful?
Let me try to explain...

I have recently been through a very rough patch. I was physically very unwell. Probably most unwell I have ever been in my life. It was hard. And I found it extremely hard to deal with. Physically and mentally.
All sorts of thoughts have been going through my head... Being on heavy medications didn't help. Starting to experience some familiar but 'new' symptoms in my chin didn't help either. My thoughts were going quite wild. Negative. Not my usual self, I got spiraled into almost a depressive mood... Many questions were raised in my head. I felt uncertain, for a long time. And since I haven't yet had a scan of my head, I still do feel a bit uncertain. I want answers. And I want solutions.
Anyhow, I do feel better, physically and mentally. But I think I have lost the measurement of wellness somewhere on the way...

In my head, the only way is up! And I was quite high up feeling-wise for a while there. I was absolutely certain I am doing the right thing and that I will feel better and better each day. At least physically. I was expecting to be off steroids and on reduced other medication by the time I finish chemotherapy. I expected all my lumps (visible subcutaneous tumors that are pretty much all over my body) will be much smaller and I will overall feel much better, more energetic...

Well, it turned out very different.
Not only my tumors are still there, some of them got bigger. Steroids and other medication are all the same dose as they were before chemo. And the worst part is, there's new symptom - tingling and numbing sensation in my chin, combined with a pressure headache which indicate that I have an active tumor somewhere in my head...
Not good. Not good at all.

Now, because I've experienced the place of peace & contentment for quite a few months and I can vividly remember how amazing it feels, does that make my current feeling of uncertainty worse? Worse in a way that my standard to feel good is now much higher than it was 2 years ago, before I knew that place of complete acceptance, peace of mind and clarity existed? Is that possible?
I hope so. Because that would mean it's not that bad now after all. And to get out of this unpleasant feeling, yes, it is easier, because I know how and I have the tools.

The bad news is that no matter what happens, what results I get next week, this is my life now and I truly need to (lovingly) accept all, whatever comes my way...
The good news is that I am on the up. On the up in a way of feeling better, day by day, physically and mentally. It's a slow recovery, but it is a recovery. An extremely slow climbing and a very long way up, since my barometer has changed, but I am on the way up.

What I really don't need is any news that there are new or extra tumors in my brain. I believe I am done with it. I believe those tumors were treated a year ago and my mind and my mental state has changed enough to not grow any new ones...
I would love some good news. It would make my existence much easier. And it would make my 'way up' much faster.

I am still tired....

Please, oh please, mighty universe, deliver some good news this time! Surely I more than deserve them!