Are You Driven By Fear or Driven By Love

I have recently read a book called Dying To Be Me by Anita Moorjani. I have read quite a few books over the past year, while being on my healing journey. I am not a very keen reader, however there is an occasional book I come across that really grabs me straight away and makes me contemplate. The book Dying To Be Me was one of them. The book itself talks about the near death experience and the importance of love. The 'love' part really made me contemplate.

What is love? How do I define love? Is there such thing as the definition of love, or is love greater than that? How do love and life interconnect?
I get the 'in love' part, when you meet someone and you fall in love... And I get the parent - child immeasurable, unconditional love, too. It's just there, it came to me somewhat naturally. But that greater love that this particular book is talking about, just as many other books on spiritual growth, that pure love within, love that blends into the universe, the infinite power of love that we supposed to all have within.... Well, that part I found extremely complicated and confusing.
So, as I do, I opened myself yet again to the universe to deliver the answer.

And then, during the meditation this morning, something happened. Two words came to me. Love & Fear. And I feel I am now beginning to understand.

I realised I have been driven by fear most of my life. From a very superficial decision making in the past such as what to wear to work (so that I am presentable and so that others think well of me) to more recent and very important decision making such as having chemotherapy or not. There are other examples such as what to eat at meal times, attending social events (that I might not necessary feel like attending), visiting in-laws, going to the office when I felt like I am exhausted and all I wanted and needed was a rest, cleaning the house (although all would wait and nothing would have significantly changed if I didn't) and so on....
Most, if not all of the above decisions were definitely driven by fear. Fear of what other people might think of me, fear of losing my job, not being able to pay mortgage or fear of disappointing friends, in-laws, myself etc or in my case later on - the fear of cancer coming back and more recently, the fear of cancer spreading...
I now know that every single thing I have ever thought of as 'I have to do' or 'I have no choice' or the 'just in case' was (and still is) driven by fear.
And that means that even though I have dealt with the fear of dying or the fear of cancer returning or living with cancer, I still have million superficial fears I need to learn to deal with.

So I openly and extremely happily embrace this morning's revelation that love is in fact replacing the actions driven by fear with the actions that are driven by love and only by love.

I am not sure if any of the above makes sense to you, but to me, it is an enormous and a very significant insight. I feel like I have reached a very important milestone on my healing journey and I couldn't wait to sit down to be able to write it down and have it recorded to remind myself over and over again...
I now know what love is. I finally get it.
Love is huge. Love is so big that we can't possibly define it in a sentence. Love is all and everything. Therefore all I do from now on will be questioned:
Is this action of mine driven by love or is it driven by fear?

My bone pain (caused by cancer) has returned recently, after I started to reduce my painkillers, so I did experience another set back. But this time it was different. Not in a way of intensity of the pain. The pain was just as bad as it was previously when around. I was in absolute agony. And I still am in pain, but it is getting better again, since I have learned to manage it well. The difference this time was my reaction to it. I reacted differently. I let go much easier and much faster than in the past. I also asked for help much faster and I found a possible solution, another bout of radiotherapy.
So today, on my way to my radio-oncologist I asked myself:
'Is this treatment to get rid of pain driven by fear or is it driven by love?'
How can a radiotherapy treatment be driven by love you may think? Well, it actually can. In my case, right now, it is. I love life. I love being active. I love being able to go for a walk on the beach, cycle with my daughter, go on a road trip with my family, a flight to exotic holiday destination.... I love cooking, sitting down, lounging around, doing arts and crafts.... These are only a few things that I absolutely love. And all of these things are compromised when in pain. Radiotherapy will fix my pain as it has in the past. So yes, here I come, driven by love! The love to life I absolutely love living and only the life I love, nothing else.

And so my life will head in the direction filled with love, from now on, always and forever.
How about yours?