Just as every night, I was on Twitter last night. @TinaVis is my Twitter ID.
I came across this article from the blog of Karen Pendy, a beautiful, positive and happy young woman, who recently passed away at the age of 37, from advanced breast cancer which had spread to her brain...
To some of you, who may have read my previous posts, the story of tumors that had spread into brain sounds familiar. Yes. I also was faced with that very same diagnosis. Interestingly, very similar age, too!
Needless to say, reading about her passing only 5 months after the diagnosis, left me slightly overwhelmed. It made me feel sad, a bit disappointed, a bit scared and definitely doubtful.
On the other hand, it did reinforce my positivity, since my scan last November showed my brain as all clear and I am still here on planet Earth, feeling well and getting better each and every day.
I know my prognosis is not bright, but I am filled with hope. And I know I am not the average person who falls into statistics.
Not only that... I strongly believe in the power of mind and my mind is telling me I am a long term survivor. Long term is considered 10+ years in the cancer world and I am convinced I can (and I will) achieve that.
But my hope is telling me I will be around for much longer, to see my beautiful (now 5 year old) daughter grow up and live fulfilling adult life, to grow old together with my beautiful man, to travel the world, to inspire people, to accomplish many things I have set myself to accomplish...
A month ago, or even a week ago, I would have said, there is no doubt about it... However, after reading the post last night, the doubt crept up on me. I woke up my man, started the 'midnight' conversation and cried out the fears. But the doubts stayed. Same old, same old...
What if I'm fooling myself?
What if my mind is tricking me?
What if my brain tumors come back?
What if my Doctors say: 'there's nothing else we can do' ?
Has anyone ever survived for more than 5 years after brain mets were diagnosed? Anyone???
Am I lucky enough to be that one of the very rare few (if there are any at all)?
Am I disillusioned?
And the list goes on...
I am swimming in the pond of doubts.
All I need now from myself is clarity and all I want from others is the belief and encouragement.
I will gain the clarity, I know how, but I am asking you all to send some belief and encouragement my way.
And I will be forever grateful.
Love to you all x
Guess what Tina you will survive, especially now you are cleaning house so effectively!!!!!Love you and yes we will grow old together xx
ReplyDeleteah my lovely, if we all lived with the doubts of What If, no one would do anything at all. We would be stuck in a quagmire of indecision and doubt. It is human to have doubts and fears, however it is also human to overcome those fears and doubts and live in a positive and uplifting world. This is you, this is what you do, you are an inspiring and hope filled person, who yes, does have the midnight doubts, is that wrong? Not at all. It's this that makes us human and in the end strong. I send you positive vibes, support, wishes, love and hugs. You are an inspiration. I believe in my heart you will get through this, you will be one of those rare people who becomes a 'long term survivor' I have no doubt. Love Nicole xx
ReplyDeleteWe are all in your corner. You can knock cancer out on a TKO. Go for it. We're all on your side. x
ReplyDeleteTina, as always I read your posts and I really feel what you are saying...
ReplyDeleteyou are so open and real and honest.
Yes, the what if's might always be there, but they are NOT NOW. Right NOW you are living, breathing, walking along the beach.
Right NOW you are a beautiful mother and partner and friend and I really truely belive with all my heart that you have it in you to continue living a full and fulfilling life!!
Sending lots of love your way xo
Thank you lovely ladies xxx
ReplyDeleteIn every pond there exists (at least) one black swan. You have been aware of your uniqueness long before your diagnosis! There is NO DOUBT that you will flourish from strength to strength and the reason I am certain of this is because you are already doing it. So my dear Tina leave the walking, running and driving for those that remain a statistic and continue to fly! You are beyond it! All my love, M.
ReplyDeleteLady, I want you to know that I'm sending you all my prayers, love, thoughts, good energy & peacefulness on a (almost) daily basis... I think of you often & think back to the young girls we once were, dealing with what we thought important - way back when.... If there is one thing I learnt about you a long time ago, is your beautiful & you are stubborn! I know nobody likes to hear that about themselves but I think in this case, it is a good thing. You have the inner strength to do this - something inside that will help you to achieve what you want... the secret is to learn what to be stubborn about & what to roll with and evolve on from! I'm still learning that one hahaha
ReplyDeleteI know this post is late, but I hope it finds you well..
X F