As I am sitting here on the couch, feeling mentally quite peaceful, but tired and not particularly centred, I can't help but notice my bloated belly popping out of my Tshirt...
And in this very moment, I feel I have enough.
This is just not me.
I am a petite, fit, toned and healthy looking 30 something, with thick sandy coloured wavy hair, lush eyelashes, well shaped eyebrows, big round eyes and an oval shaped face...
Not at the moment.
As I am approaching the end of a course of chemotherapy, my body hair has thinned drastically. My hair is 2/3 gone, so are my eyelashes and eyebrows...
Since I have been diagnosed with advanced breast cancer in the bone (spine, ribs & hips), which involves being in constant pain, I have lost all my muscle tone.
I used to love jogging and practicing yoga. I would jog at least 3 times a week and practiced yoga at least twice. I walked a lot. I was out and about, engaged in some sort of physical activity with my daughter almost every day.
In my mid to late thirties, I was physically the fittest and healthiest I have ever been before.
I felt good within myself - physically. I used to like what I saw in the mirror.
Then, last year, as my pain was getting worse, there were many pills added to my daily diet.
Needless to say, they all have side effects. Especially steroids.
And here I am now, with the combination of 18 months of zero physical exercise, about 10 pills of different medications a day, 12 rounds of chemotherapy...
Yes, here I am, with a horribly bloated tummy, looking and feeling like I was 6 months pregnant, with the hair of a balding 50 year old man, ghostly look on my totally rounded moon - face and a very fragile scrawny body...
But yet I look OK, to strangers - or so 'they' say.
Oh, so looking forward to the day, when chemotherapy is finished, painkillers reduced to minimum or gone altogether, my hair back thick and growing, my eyelashes needing to be looked after on daily basis, my body waxed...
And more so, when I get out of bed, put on those brand new looking snickers (I bought about 2 years ago and only used briefly training for 8 km Mothers Day Classic Fundraising Run) and go for a morning jog around this beautiful beach suburb I live in.
And to the day, when I dress up in my yoga gear and join the local yoga group again for weekly sessions...
The down is - I can't book in the next 'fun run' event just yet nor the date to start training or practicing yoga. I have no idea when exactly that time will come.
However, I know it is going to happen! I know, I can feel it and I do not have a doubt! In my mind, it's never gone away, it's just my physical body that needs to catch up somehow, somewhere in the (hopefully very) near future.
Meanwhile, I just have to stay here, within myself, focus on my other bodies, maintain those in the state of contentment, strength, clarity and determination and practice patience, patience, patience and possibly more patience...
How about you? Where are you at? Is your goal hard to be achieved on a mental or physical level? Would love to hear.
Showing posts with label mothers' day classic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers' day classic. Show all posts
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I wish for GREEN to be the new PINK
October, the month of 'Pink Ribbon' for breast cancer awareness is finished.
So I thought it was a good time to spill my thoughts........
Back in early 2008, as most of newly breast cancer diagnosed women, I was in a total shock, had absolutely no knowledge nor idea of what to do, where to turn to, so I went with the flow of conventional medicine.
It went something like this:
following a finding of a lump, I visited GP, then had mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, was sent to a surgeon for lumpectomy, then sent to Oncologist for chemotherapy, Radiation Oncologist for radiotherapy and more chemotherapy afterwards - all in the speed of light, without a slight break to take it all in, take time to research and learn about the scary & complex disease I was just diagnosed with.
It was 100% out of my hands. I handed my treatment options with 100% trust to Doctors. In other words, I have not taken any responsibility either for my condition or treatment options for myself.
It was a horrible year.
The only bright light in that year was the support that was offered by National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF). From the early stage of diagnosis, when I received a phone call from my breast care nurse (who I felt was an angel sent to help me), to a beautiful pink pack of goodies (a calendar to record my journey, costs, appointments etc., brochures with explanations of treatments and even a complementary, very comfortable wireless bra to get me through post-surgery time) and later a weekly Breast Cancer Support Group, where I met ladies going through the same rough times, had some professionals talking about the importance of exercise, nutrition etc
All of the above support was greatly appreciated. So much so, that I decided to get involved straight after my treatment finished and held my first Pink Ribbon Breakfast only a few days after my last Chemo. I was wearing a wig, campaigning and with the support of few good friends raised couple thousand dollars at our local cafe. It was a good feeling.
I have since repeated the fundraising few times, by either hosting a Pink Ribbon Breakfast or walking and running Mothers' Day Classic.
Until I got diagnosed with the advanced cancer late last year....
It was planted in my brain that it is the second diagnosis of cancer that kills you. And there I was. It was secondary. It came back into my bones, some in the lymphs above my lungs and few months later found in brain, too.
According to my past believes, that is it. You are gone. Once it's in the brain, there is nothing you can do, right?!? You might as well just make a bucket list and spend the last few months of your life doing what you really want, dying doing what you have always wanted....
Not sure what happened in my head after initial diagnosis of secondary cancer, but it was different. The old believes have disappeared quite fast.
My oncologist was helpful, positive, told me not to panic and gave me few examples of ladies living 6 or even 10+ years afterwards, feeling good.
Obviously, I went straight online and started Googling like mad. The info appearing wasn't nice.
I tried to find Support Group for secondary breast cancer, but there were none to be found.... I contacted NBCF and received a very similar pink pack, info on cancer, stats and prognosis, info on treatments, a hand cream (WTF!??!) etc and only 2 things that I actually found useful: a little brochure with inspirational surviving stories and a CD with meditation exercises.
I must say, that overall, I was disappointed with the lack of support by NBCF at my stage of disease.
But I didn't give up searching. Although I had no idea exactly what I was looking for, I felt there has to be something out there... Surely there are stories of long term cancer survivors!
And that is when I came across the book 'You Can Conquer Cancer', written by a long term cancer survivor himself, Dr Ian Gawler (www.gawler.org).
As I red the book, my old belief melted. There was HOPE! And I was filled with it.
The book was such an eye opener. It covered all - from conventional treatments such as chemo and radio, to importance of diet / nutrition and meditation for the peace of mind and clarity.
The amount of important information for my next steps of journey was enormous. It pretty much opened the door to everything I need to get well again. And yes, it is absolutely possible.
As I was taking further steps on my journey, I came across some amazing long term cancer survivor stories.
And with my mind set on a long healthy life, who better to trust (and footsteps to follow) then the long term survivors themselves.
And this is where the shift from PINK to GREEN comes in!
There are a few things that the long term survivors have in common (in conjunction with their treatments) :
So, why don't the doctors just prescribe the above?
Well, unfortunately the doctors and big foundations such as NBCF basically work for pharmaceutical companies (either directly or indirectly).
The doctors are there to prescribe drugs and they are not trained in nutrition. They unfortunately still recommend meat & three veggies diet. There have been no scientific research on food and cancer connection as their is no funds for that kind of research. No pharmaceutical company will fund research on food or meditation for that matter, as they are all basically free of charge and stealing away their 'drug' business.
Same goes with NBCF. They are unfortunately mostly sponsored by huge multinational companies, and all the research money goes to searching for a "magic pill". Unfortunately there will never be such thing as a "magic pill" cure for cancer. Cancer is way more complex than that.
Like it or not, GREEN is the answer. The change of lifestyle to a super healthy green, toxin free, organic, back to nature style.
It can be hard, or impossible for some, but definitely challenging for all, and that is why most people don't do it, keep living the life in their comfort zone, and keep waiting for that "magic pill" to appear.
So, in the future, when donating to a good cause, ask yourself - where does the money go to?
Do I wish to support PINK or GREEN? What do I believe in?
I am GREEN all the way!
So I thought it was a good time to spill my thoughts........
Back in early 2008, as most of newly breast cancer diagnosed women, I was in a total shock, had absolutely no knowledge nor idea of what to do, where to turn to, so I went with the flow of conventional medicine.
It went something like this:
following a finding of a lump, I visited GP, then had mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, was sent to a surgeon for lumpectomy, then sent to Oncologist for chemotherapy, Radiation Oncologist for radiotherapy and more chemotherapy afterwards - all in the speed of light, without a slight break to take it all in, take time to research and learn about the scary & complex disease I was just diagnosed with.
It was 100% out of my hands. I handed my treatment options with 100% trust to Doctors. In other words, I have not taken any responsibility either for my condition or treatment options for myself.
It was a horrible year.
The only bright light in that year was the support that was offered by National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF). From the early stage of diagnosis, when I received a phone call from my breast care nurse (who I felt was an angel sent to help me), to a beautiful pink pack of goodies (a calendar to record my journey, costs, appointments etc., brochures with explanations of treatments and even a complementary, very comfortable wireless bra to get me through post-surgery time) and later a weekly Breast Cancer Support Group, where I met ladies going through the same rough times, had some professionals talking about the importance of exercise, nutrition etc
All of the above support was greatly appreciated. So much so, that I decided to get involved straight after my treatment finished and held my first Pink Ribbon Breakfast only a few days after my last Chemo. I was wearing a wig, campaigning and with the support of few good friends raised couple thousand dollars at our local cafe. It was a good feeling.
I have since repeated the fundraising few times, by either hosting a Pink Ribbon Breakfast or walking and running Mothers' Day Classic.
Until I got diagnosed with the advanced cancer late last year....
It was planted in my brain that it is the second diagnosis of cancer that kills you. And there I was. It was secondary. It came back into my bones, some in the lymphs above my lungs and few months later found in brain, too.
According to my past believes, that is it. You are gone. Once it's in the brain, there is nothing you can do, right?!? You might as well just make a bucket list and spend the last few months of your life doing what you really want, dying doing what you have always wanted....
Not sure what happened in my head after initial diagnosis of secondary cancer, but it was different. The old believes have disappeared quite fast.
My oncologist was helpful, positive, told me not to panic and gave me few examples of ladies living 6 or even 10+ years afterwards, feeling good.
Obviously, I went straight online and started Googling like mad. The info appearing wasn't nice.
I tried to find Support Group for secondary breast cancer, but there were none to be found.... I contacted NBCF and received a very similar pink pack, info on cancer, stats and prognosis, info on treatments, a hand cream (WTF!??!) etc and only 2 things that I actually found useful: a little brochure with inspirational surviving stories and a CD with meditation exercises.
I must say, that overall, I was disappointed with the lack of support by NBCF at my stage of disease.
But I didn't give up searching. Although I had no idea exactly what I was looking for, I felt there has to be something out there... Surely there are stories of long term cancer survivors!
And that is when I came across the book 'You Can Conquer Cancer', written by a long term cancer survivor himself, Dr Ian Gawler (www.gawler.org).
As I red the book, my old belief melted. There was HOPE! And I was filled with it.
The book was such an eye opener. It covered all - from conventional treatments such as chemo and radio, to importance of diet / nutrition and meditation for the peace of mind and clarity.
The amount of important information for my next steps of journey was enormous. It pretty much opened the door to everything I need to get well again. And yes, it is absolutely possible.
As I was taking further steps on my journey, I came across some amazing long term cancer survivor stories.
And with my mind set on a long healthy life, who better to trust (and footsteps to follow) then the long term survivors themselves.
And this is where the shift from PINK to GREEN comes in!
There are a few things that the long term survivors have in common (in conjunction with their treatments) :
- change of diet to unprocessed, fresh, high alkaline, vegan / plant based
- no sugar, salt, alcohol, caffeine and nicotine
- freshly squeezed vegetable juices and / or smoothies
- meditation
- acceptance and love of life
So, why don't the doctors just prescribe the above?
Well, unfortunately the doctors and big foundations such as NBCF basically work for pharmaceutical companies (either directly or indirectly).
The doctors are there to prescribe drugs and they are not trained in nutrition. They unfortunately still recommend meat & three veggies diet. There have been no scientific research on food and cancer connection as their is no funds for that kind of research. No pharmaceutical company will fund research on food or meditation for that matter, as they are all basically free of charge and stealing away their 'drug' business.
Same goes with NBCF. They are unfortunately mostly sponsored by huge multinational companies, and all the research money goes to searching for a "magic pill". Unfortunately there will never be such thing as a "magic pill" cure for cancer. Cancer is way more complex than that.
Like it or not, GREEN is the answer. The change of lifestyle to a super healthy green, toxin free, organic, back to nature style.
It can be hard, or impossible for some, but definitely challenging for all, and that is why most people don't do it, keep living the life in their comfort zone, and keep waiting for that "magic pill" to appear.
So, in the future, when donating to a good cause, ask yourself - where does the money go to?
Do I wish to support PINK or GREEN? What do I believe in?
I am GREEN all the way!
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