Living With Cancer vs Dying From Cancer

It was last Friday (Good Friday) that Australian Current Affairs (ACA) aired Cancer Cure Claim, featuring Dr. Ian Gawler (http://www.gawlerblog.com/).
It was with excitement I awaited to see an amazing man such as Dr Ian Gawler on mainstream television. Advanced cancer survivor of 30+ years, with then seriously poor prognosis of maximum 6 months to live in mid 70s... And here he is now, in 2012, still going strong, healthy and well and helping others living with cancer and numerous general people who aspire to live a healthy, well balanced life. His foundation and him personally cover many aspects of mind - body medicine and encourage people to take control of their well - being in an integrative way.
He is the main inspiration on my own cancer journey and I feel absolutely nothing but pure respect towards him.

If you watched the segment on ACA, you would have soon realised that the story didn't unfold the way I expected. In fact, it was completely opposite, condemning the amazing work Ian has been advocating over the past 25+ years. I was left extremely sad and disappointed.

I stayed at The Gawler Foundation (http://www.gawler.org/) twice last year.
First time it was soon after my diagnosis of advanced breast cancer. I attended a 10 day residential program and after an amazing and very empowering experience of abundant learning about the path of the journey of living with cancer, I decided to return to attend a 5 day follow up 'cancer retreat' later in the year, together with my partner. Needless to say, it was the best thing I have ever done for myself in my whole entire life.

I can briefly list just a few things I have learned at The Gawler Foundation:

• how to take control of my 'cancer journey' (to make decisions of my treatments - conventional such as chemotherapy, radiotherapy, surgery and complementary such as acupuncture, holistic GP, massage...  with clarity and determination)
• how to accept my diagnosis and achieve peace of mind (tools and techniques)
• how to eliminate my past emotional barriers (counselling and some helpful self-techniques and practices, useful resources - books, CDs, podcasts...)
• how to look after myself physically (with proper nutrition, diet, exercise...)
• the importance of balanced life (mind body soul)
• and many many more

Overall, it was very intense, but totally life - changing experience.

So, watching the segment on ACA last Friday, condemning the amazing work they do at The Gawler Foundation, was nothing less but heartbreaking for me. And the comment by Tracy Grimshaw to finish with: "Desperate people do desperate things" was completely improper and out of place.
I am not anywhere near close to being a desperate person, nor is anyone I have crossed paths while at The Gawler Foundation.

Living life with cancer is very challenging. It is a very fine line between living with cancer and dying from it. I am a strong believer in the power of mind. Yes, of course there are million types of different cancers, and even though advanced and many seem the same, yet they are all different. Just as people are different, cancers behave differently. How come some people with the 'same' type of cancer fall into statistics and die exactly in due time, while others live many years and can have good quality of life regardless of diagnosis?!?
I don't know about you, but my common sense tells me to look for clues and answers in people that are long term survivors. Especially those rare few who are considered 'spontaneous remissions'. And when you do start reading and researching into those cases, you find there are many more than your average Oncologist (like Dr. Lowenthal who appeared on ACA) tells you.

Unfortunately our conventional medicine can only afford researches into prevention and treatment drugs, sponsored by huge pharmaceutical companies, which are not interested in long term survivors, but rather in people who have cancer and need those heavy drugs to somehow extend their life or ease them into death. It is a huge industry. I, as a cancer patient, undergoing numerous treatments, am worth tens of thousands of dollars a year, if not hundreds... Once I'm in a remission (a survivor!), treatments and medications stop and I am no longer of any value to them. That, sadly, is reality.
So no wonder there are no funds to support research in long term survivors... Quite cruel, isn't it?

I do apologise for the lengthy post and I am extremely grateful if you are still reading it. But I have to get this off my chest, as I find it quite frustrating and extremely unfair.

All I tried to explain is the difference between LIVING WITH CANCER and DYING FROM CANCER. I am living with it. And I am living well. In fact, my quality of life is way higher now then has ever been before.

It is both, good and bad, when I either see someone I haven't seen in ages or meet someone new and they say: 'so sorry about your cancer, wow, but you look so good, I would have never thought...'
It's good because it's true. Although I look different (from side effects of numerous different drugs I am on) I still look healthy and well. Probably healthier than most of the general population, as I am looking after myself with extremely healthy diet and lifestyle.
And it's bad, because general person expects me (diagnosed with advanced / secondary / a very serious stage 4 cancer) to look like I'm dying.

And that, I suppose is the main difference.
The perception of the world today still is that having cancer means one will die way before their time, while in fact, one actually can live an extremely fulfilling abundant life managing cancer just as any other chronic illness.
Or even better, just as the likes of Dr.Ian Gawler or another amazing Australian - Petrea King (the founder of Quest For Life), one can achieve the state of complete remission.

Hopefully, sometime in the very near future every single newly diagnosed cancer patient will aim for the above.
And I sincerely hope that our conventional Doctors, Oncologists and media, start encouraging the awakenings of survivors within us all and support us all to take path towards this amazing and already achievable goal, with all their respect, optimism and positivity or just keep nice and quite, and learn to practice some compassion if there's nothing hopeful to be said...

I wish for GREEN to be the new PINK

October, the month of 'Pink Ribbon' for breast cancer awareness is finished.
So I thought it was a good time to spill my thoughts........

Back in early 2008, as most of newly breast cancer diagnosed women, I was in a total shock, had absolutely no knowledge nor idea of what to do, where to turn to, so I went with the flow of conventional medicine.
It went something like this:
following a finding of a lump, I visited GP, then had mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy, was sent to a surgeon for lumpectomy, then sent to Oncologist for chemotherapy, Radiation Oncologist for radiotherapy and more chemotherapy afterwards - all in the speed of light, without a slight break to take it all in, take time to research and learn about the scary & complex disease I was just diagnosed with.
It was 100% out of my hands. I handed my treatment options with 100% trust to Doctors. In other words, I have not taken any responsibility either for my condition or treatment options for myself.
It was a horrible year.

The only bright light in that year was the support that was offered by National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF). From the early stage of diagnosis, when I received a phone call from my breast care nurse (who I felt was an angel sent to help me), to a beautiful pink pack of goodies (a calendar to record my journey, costs, appointments etc., brochures with explanations of treatments and even a complementary, very comfortable wireless bra to get me through post-surgery time) and later a weekly Breast Cancer Support Group, where I met ladies going through the same rough times, had some professionals talking about the importance of exercise, nutrition etc

All of the above support was greatly appreciated. So much so, that I decided to get involved straight after my treatment finished and held my first Pink Ribbon Breakfast only a few days after my last Chemo. I was wearing a wig, campaigning and with the support of few good friends raised couple thousand dollars at our local cafe. It was a good feeling.
I have since repeated the fundraising few times, by either hosting a Pink Ribbon Breakfast or walking and running Mothers' Day Classic.

Until I got diagnosed with the advanced cancer late last year....

It was planted in my brain that it is the second diagnosis of cancer that kills you. And there I was. It was secondary. It came back into my bones, some in the lymphs above my lungs and few months later found in brain, too.
According to my past believes, that is it. You are gone. Once it's in the brain, there is nothing you can do, right?!? You might as well just make a bucket list and spend the last few months of your life doing what you really want, dying doing what you have always wanted....

Not sure what happened in my head after initial diagnosis of secondary cancer, but it was different. The old believes have disappeared quite fast.
My oncologist was helpful, positive, told me not to panic and gave me few examples of ladies living 6 or even 10+ years afterwards, feeling good.
Obviously, I went straight online and started Googling like mad. The info appearing wasn't nice.
I tried to find Support Group for secondary breast cancer, but there were none to be found.... I contacted NBCF and received a very similar pink pack, info on cancer, stats and prognosis, info on treatments, a hand cream (WTF!??!) etc and only 2 things that I actually found useful: a little brochure with inspirational surviving stories and a CD with meditation exercises.
I must say, that overall, I was disappointed with the lack of support by NBCF at my stage of disease.

But I didn't give up searching. Although I had no idea exactly what I was looking for, I felt there has to be something out there... Surely there are stories of long term cancer survivors!
And that is when I came across the book 'You Can Conquer Cancer', written by a long term cancer survivor himself, Dr Ian Gawler (www.gawler.org).
As I red the book, my old belief melted. There was HOPE! And I was filled with it.

The book was such an eye opener. It covered all - from conventional treatments such as chemo and radio, to importance of diet / nutrition and meditation for the peace of mind and clarity.
The amount of important information for my next steps of journey was enormous. It pretty much opened the door to everything I need to get well again. And yes, it is absolutely possible.
As I was taking further steps on my journey, I came across some amazing long term cancer survivor stories.
And with my mind set on a long healthy life, who better to trust (and footsteps to follow) then the long term survivors themselves.

And this is where the shift from PINK to GREEN comes in!

There are a few things that the long term survivors have in common (in conjunction with their treatments) :

• change of diet to unprocessed, fresh, high alkaline, vegan / plant based
• no sugar, salt, alcohol, caffeine and nicotine
• freshly squeezed vegetable juices and / or smoothies
• meditation
• acceptance and love of life

It sounds simple, doesn't it?
So, why don't the doctors just prescribe the above?
Well, unfortunately the doctors and big foundations such as NBCF basically work for pharmaceutical companies (either directly or indirectly).
The doctors are there to prescribe drugs and they are not trained in nutrition. They unfortunately still recommend meat & three veggies diet. There have been no scientific research on food and cancer connection as their is no funds for that kind of research. No pharmaceutical company will fund research on food or meditation for that matter, as they are all basically free of charge and stealing away their 'drug' business.
Same goes with NBCF. They are unfortunately mostly sponsored by huge multinational companies, and all the research money goes to searching for a "magic pill". Unfortunately there will never be such thing as a "magic pill" cure for cancer. Cancer is way more complex than that.

Like it or not, GREEN is the answer. The change of lifestyle to a super healthy green, toxin free, organic, back to nature style.
It can be hard, or impossible for some, but definitely challenging for all, and that is why most people don't do it, keep living the life in their comfort zone, and keep waiting for that "magic pill" to appear.

So, in the future, when donating to a good cause, ask yourself - where does the money go to?
Do I wish to support PINK or GREEN? What do I believe in?
I am GREEN all the way!

Fight against cancer? Or is it?

As a person living with cancer, I can tell the world, it is not a battle, or a fight! It is a life with cancer. Life out of comfort zone, greatly, way out!
Battle is negative, so is fight. Life is not, or at least, it shouldn't be. Life is beautiful, and we shouldn't give cancer the power to change that.
Cancer is a disease. It is a state you are in either temporarly, short term, long term or forever.

I can't talk in the name of all, but I can tell you I am not in the fight nor a battle against it.
I accept the disease, I am actively involved in managing it, hopefully getting rid of it in the nearest possible future, but I am not fighting. No, I am not being hostile or angry. In fact, I am quite opposite. I am learning to be and stay as positive as possible. And I am doing it with love.

I do get slightly annoyed when people describe someone dying of cancer as 'losing the battle'. What does that mean? Is he / she a loser?

I like to think it is a choice of each individual to accept it or not, making decisions on life or death. Consciously or subconsciously.

Cancer is an extremly difficult and complex, multifactorial disease. When associated with pain (which is often the case), is even harder. To keep up hope, belief of getting better one day, the determination, discipline and mostly love to life, which are to my opinion essentials for survival, it is an extremly hard job. And the journey is life long and very unpredictable.
Unfortunately, there is still a general belief in the world that cancer kills, which causes enormous fear. And fear is the one that usually kills, not cancer.
To top it all up, there is the conventional medicine with their statistics, which often cement the fear and take away hope in many cases. And so many people start believing they have a 'terminal' cancer, a year, or even just few months to live etc and before you know it they fall into the statistics and die.
But yet I wouldn't describe it as 'losing the battle'. I prefer to describe it as letting go, finding peace, which is what happens in either surviving or dying anyway. It is very often much easier to find peace in death and there is absolutely nothing negative about it.

I recently had a conversation with my mother-in-law. She (as well as most of the world) desperately wants the world to find the 'cure for cancer' and wonders why it hasn't happened yet. It's all in best intention.
The fantastically amazing good news is - there is a cure for cancer!
It is just that the common world doesn't see it or believe it, as it doesn't come in one little pill. And it never will! It is an extremly complex disease which can only be treated hollistically.
There is no easy way out. And it is extremly difficult to embrace such state, learn to love to live with it, take control and change your life accordingly.

So, yes, that's why I dislike the frases like 'battle and/or fight against cancer', because it's got absolutely nothing to do with that. It's all about acceptance, embrace and finally, love.

Wish me good luck!

Winter Is Over

What huge few months I've just lived through!

Bones are full of cancer, lymph nodes got few new tumors and even my brain's got few tumors!
I had numerous radiotherapy sessions to ease my pain, a brain surgery to remove the biggest tumor at the back of my head - above my neck, and I underwent the 'gamma knife treatment' for other few (4) little tumors in my brain.

Not sure where to start...

The horrid pain I went through I suppose, which made me visit my Radio Oncologist. He appointed me to the Palliative Care team to give me painkillers for short term relief and prescribed numerous sessions of radiotherapy for long term relief.
Both worked well, although I was quite drugged there for a while trying to find the right type and dose of painkillers.
I remember at one instance I was so drugged, I was afraid / paranoid to leave the house or have any contact with outside world. But I felt pain-free and quite happy.... That being 15 years ago, I would have appreciated it. Not at present though.
Radiotherapy was quite smooth sailing, apart from the last part, when they decided to give me a week's dose in an hour, aimed through my stomach to mid spine and made me sicker vomiting than I have ever been in my life before. Back to the hospital I went on the same night, got some extra drugs and felt better.

Thinking about it now, I could describe half of my winter as being on some seriously heavy drugs.
They included steroids as well, which made me hungry and I ate a lot! Still healthy 'raw' type food though, sticking to my new lifestyle.

These days, I allow myself to have a once a month 'whatever you want to eat' day and I usually end up having some lovely lean organic beef. I also let myself have a little bit of (lowest in salt) cheese and quite a lot of dark chocolate (organic raw vegan friendly style).

Next on the list was the brain surgery!
I met up with neurosurgeon to discuss the procedure. I didn't really want to know the details, nor possible complications. All I wanted to find out was what kind of person he is, how his energies are and what music (if any) he listens to while operating. I was very pleased with him, especially after finding out that him and his team are big fans of U2... Being a huge fan myself, I ordered U2 to be on the playlist during my surgery... And no negatives to be spoken.
I was a bit nervous, I must say, but reading Love, Medicine and Miracles by Dr. Bernie Siegel really helped me to stay positive, learn to be an 'exceptional' patient and  fully trust the process and the Universe.
It was the perfect book to be read and I highly recommend it to anyone facing a serious illness or any medical procedures.
I came to the hospital positively charged and 100% ready. I truly did feel like an 'exceptional' patient. Especially after the surgery went so well that I ended up being discharged in 3 days - a day prior to the best possible predicted outcome.
The surgery left me with 21 staples down the back of my head.

Next on the list was the very expensive, new and the only one available in the whole of Australia  'Gamma Knife Treatment'. It is a laser surgery / radiotherapy, without incision, ran by the team of doctors (including Radio Oncologist and Neurosurgeon) and done in a MRI looking machine. It only lasts few hours, no overnight hospital stay, you can play your own music (so I prepared the 'Gamma Knife' playlist on my iPhone), but most importantly, there are no side effects, no hair loss.... The only downside was the steel frame they 'installed' onto my head, which left me with lots of bruising and a very obvious black eye, which hadn't gone away for a couple of weeks.

It's over now.
The weather is getting warmer, bruising is gone, drugs are reduced to minimum, my head is well healed, bold spots covered with fresh growing hair... Spring is near.

I had this amazing powerful feeling the other day. I felt totally empowered.
"I am amazing!" I thought to myself, "I've had a brain surgery! I am surviving a very serious advanced cancer! And I feel fantastic!"

Bring on the SPRING!